Freak Unique by Pete Burns

Author:Pete Burns [Pete Burns]
Language: eng
Format: epub
ISBN: 9781786064103
Publisher: John Blake
Published: 2016-04-15T00:00:00+00:00

12

spinning out of control

‘I’ve got a good sense of humour, but I’m also fairly serious about my career and deeply serious about keeping my self-respect.’

After extensive tours to Japan, the death of my mother and a tour of America, my voice was worn out – in fact, I was completely fucked. I went to see a doctor, because I was just feeling shit, you know. I was given anabolic steroids and I felt great on them, but I ballooned up to about 16 stone, and then they caused terrible depression, but I don’t know if they knew that at the time. I started to wake up in the morning in a terrible state – crying all the time – and I noticed that I’d developed a lump in my testicle. I was exercising a lot and I just couldn’t walk – the pain in my groin was unbelievable. My dad said, ‘Look, we’re going to the doctor.’

For me, this was an embarrassing thing to go to a doctor about – they look at me and think I’ve got a vagina. People find it very disconcerting that I’ve got a dick and balls – I’m not supposed to have them.

But we go to the doctor, and he does the most humiliating examination ever. The thing with the prostate, squeeze the balls – it was horrible. I felt vulnerable. And they put me in for a cancer scan. I couldn’t stop shaking. He said, ‘Let me have a look at you.’ He made me stand on my toes and everything, and he says, ‘Oh, multiple sclerosis.’ I didn’t know what it was, so I looked it up and freaked out. I thought I had cancer and multiple sclerosis.

But to test for multiple sclerosis – which they can never actually say you’ve not got – you have to get mutant motor-neurone muscle-conductivity tests, go in that scanner, brain scan, needles through the muscles, the works. And, all the time, I was waiting for the results as to whether I had testicular cancer.

I was then looked over by another doctor, who immediately said that he had a bed ready for me in such-and-such a clinic, and that I needed to start this medication – a tricyclate anti-depressant – and it was estimated I’d gain up to seven stone. I was so heavy and I was breaking down and saying, ‘I can’t do that, I’ve got to go back to work…’ But he just said that there was a bed waiting for me.

I was so freaked and traumatised I was given Prozac, but they weren’t making me feel any happier, so the doctor upped the dose of Prozac to three a day… and then I became fucking suicidal. I couldn’t function at all; I was in bed crying and my hearing became super-sensitive – if you dropped a spoon it would sound like a cymbal crash. I remember Pavarotti was on in the park and I could hear him through our French windows – the greatest tenor in the world sounded like nails on a blackboard to me.

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